I gathered with a number of likeminded souls yesterday for a workshop series. As we went around the room sharing how we had been over the past week, a theme started to emerge. Of the seven of us in the room, four shared that they were feeling a sense of ‘spinning’ over the past week. We each had our postulations about how we were in that place, but all shared the sense that the feeling was one of being ‘out of control.’ For me it was the distinct clench of anxiety which returned with harsh familiarity. I have been able to reduce its impact on my life though some of the choices I’ve made to slow my life down, but it still creeps in to my days more that I’d like, or care to admit.
The anxiousness of the week didn’t just affect me either. Our whole household seemed to be turned on its head. Whenever I’m not centred, my children react accordingly. They test me more, and because I’m not able to react in my usual manner, my reactions that are less than savoury. I am usually scrambling to try and regain a sense of control. My desperation only fuels their misbehaviour, and so a cycle is born.
I tried so hard to get my own emotions under control so that I could be the parent I wanted to be, but it just wasn’t within my power. I couldn’t figure out why I was experiencing such a high degree of tension. I tried all of my usual things to calm my mind and rid that that space where my ribs come together of its clench. I couldn’t seem to let it go…I couldn’t even figure out what it was! After speaking with others yesterday who were experiencing this same emotional ‘spinning,’ I began to contemplate the possibility that the feeling was coming from something outside of myself.
Last week was a huge build to the commercial frenzy known as Black Friday. Here in Canada we’ve gone so far as to also have a ‘Red Thursday,’ because no one is celebrating Thanksgiving on that day. Is it possible that the negative energy was being generated by such a strong focus on commercialism? Black Friday indeed…